Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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