Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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