and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
