I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to calm my uterus...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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