I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need water and some morals
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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