he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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