i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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