i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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