Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
