I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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