ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
