Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
