if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize