Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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