I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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