jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
