my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
