I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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