we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
