I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
