this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
