youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
