at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
