some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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