you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
