Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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