i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
