How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
babies were throwing up all over the place
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
