what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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