He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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