I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize