Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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