she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
