Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
