Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
