If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
