I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I touched a dick in church today
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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