so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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