wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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