I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
