guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
