At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
