Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
