Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
