Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
