Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
