Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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