it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
