This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So vagazzling was a success
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
