...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
