And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
