my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize