I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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