I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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