I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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