Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
