the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
