I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
