If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
