Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
