Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
