i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
