yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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