And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
