i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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