I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
