After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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