She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
