I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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