my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
