If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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