Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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