you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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