Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
