let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My vagina just recognized that song.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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