My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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