I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
