this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
