I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
