remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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