I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
