discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
