Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im holly from the hills drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
