Don't make out with my wife yet
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
