I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
