I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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