Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
