I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
