meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I forget how to act sober
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