Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
