ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
