Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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