Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
should my penis look like a turkey
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
