waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
