what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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