i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
