You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
