Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
