Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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