I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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