Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
