I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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