the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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