I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
