Don't you send me to vm
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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