I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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