I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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