just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize