I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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