I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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