Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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