dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
