Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize