I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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