Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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