Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize